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Woman Labeled a ‘Gold-Digger’ Defended for Exposing Fiance’s Unemployment

Internet commenters were outraged after one woman revealed how she finally showed her fiance’s family she’s not the mooch they believed her to be.

In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA******, Redditor u/aitasayinhea32 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said her soon-to-be husband lost his job four months ago and detailed the heated aftermath of her decision to expose his unemployment to his judgmental parents.

Titled, “[Am I the a******] for telling my fiance’s family that he’s unemployed after they kept implying I was a ‘Gold Digger?'” the post has received more than 16,000 upvotes and 1,400 comments since November 14.

“My fiance comes from a well off family,” OP began. “I come from a working class family.”

Describing her fiance’s family as “nice,” the original poster said she has long endured backhanded comments about growing up with less money, and implications that her engagement is rooted in financial motives.

The original poster also said she’s been covering all of the couple’s expenses since her fiance lost his job—unbeknownst to his family members.

“He’s in a bad place in life after he lost his job. And since he’s keeping it secret…I’m the only [one] paying for everything,” OP wrote. “Last week, his parents invited us for dinner and he insisted that we go.

“His mom grabbed my hand…and looked at my bracelet and went ‘Oh, this bracelet looks really nice, did [my son] pay for it?'” OP continued. “She then leaned back and said, ‘You know I remember when my brother was dating this gold digger woman…she’d receive expensive stuff like this.’

“I snapped. I told her it was bold of her to imply I was a Gold Digger when I’m literally providing for her unemployed son,” OP added. “He had a rage fit in the car…[and] said that they never outright called me a Gold Digger so it was all in my head.”

Money, according to a 2019 report by Business Insider, is the No. 1 topic for couples’ arguments.

And while myriad issues can spark tension within relationships, financial arguments are often exacerbated when there is major discrepancy in how much money each partner makes.

Judgmental husband and mother-in-law.
Judgmental husband and mother-in-law. Members of Reddit’s r/AmITheA****** forum defended one woman who told her fiance’s family he has been unemployed for four months, despite their belief that she is a “gold-digger.”
Motortion/iStock / Getty Images Plus

The imbalance that occurs when one partner earns a significantly higher income or comes from a wealthier background can heighten pressure on less-affluent partners to contribute in other ways.

However, in cases where no amount of alternative contribution can match a partner’s wealth, suspicions of gold-digging—defined by WebMD as “pursuing and forming a relationship with someone else for the sole purpose of using or taking that person’s money”—are likely to arise among family and friends.

But the “gold-digger” label, most frequently attributed to women, is a demeaning one.

“The use of negative terminology such as ‘gold-digger’ is never healthy or productive,” psychotherapist and Joy From Fear author Dr. Carla Manly told Newsweek. “There’s no upside to engaging in name-calling and labeling that will only feed long-term strife and resentment.

“If family members are concerned that a loved one’s partner might be motivated by money rather than love, that type of discussion—if warranted and appropriate—can certainly occur privately,” Manly added. “When external negativity from family is high enough to create a lack of trust between the partners, the relationship may fracture and end.”

Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, many Redditors echoed that sentiment and advised the original poster to reevaluate her relationship before taking the leap into marriage.

“I think you should uninvite your fiancé from your wedding,” Redditor u/SadderOlderWiser wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received nearly 38,000 upvotes.

“He doesn’t have your back, he’s willing to lie to his family for months to protect his reputation…and this won’t be the last time he blames you for the faults and actions of himself and others,” they added.

Redditor u/Just_Wednesday100, whose comment has received more than 7,000 upvotes, offered a similar response.

“Don’t walk down that aisle!” they exclaimed. “He’s more than willing to have you be the bad guy and not once has he tried to fix their perspective of you. Instead he keeps it that way because it makes him seem better than you.”

“He has no loyalty to you and is content to sit by and let his family disrespect you,” Redditor u/Catacombs3 added, receiving more than 9,000 upvotes. “I’d toss him before he makes your life a misery.”

“This guy was happy to watch his family be cruel to you for months without challenging it or sticking up for you when he knows full well that you’re currently the breadwinner,” Redditor u/CrystalQueen3000 chimed in. “Is this really who you want to marry?”

Newsweek has reached out to u/aitasayinhea32 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

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